Jobless friend asks to stay with 24-year-old former roommate for 'a few days,' ends up staying over 3 weeks, guilt tripping friend into subsidizing her

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 21, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Staying at a friend's house is not a minute imposition. It can get out of hand pretty quickly. You might be happy to do it for a couple of days if you're getting to visit with them, but you can't deny that it upends your life quite a bit. If you're a person who likes things a certain way, having someone else in your house can really mess with that flow. This is especially true if you don't have a guest room to house them in like many of us don't. 

Maybe they're staying in your living room, so now you can't make coffee in the morning without waking them up. Maybe you're sharing a bathroom with them, so you need to plan your shower time. These are small things, sure, but they add up over time. This is what makes time the essential factor. You can put up with anything for a couple of days. A couple of weeks, however…

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  • 01

    AITA for kicking out my jobless friend who turned a "few days" visit into a three- week stay?

    I (24F) have been friends with my college roommate for 6 years. We were super close in school but grew apart after graduation. She moved across the country and we mostly kept in touch through social media.
    via u/Primary-Shock3647
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    Cheezburger Image 10496590080
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's the situation one girl found herself in when she took in a struggling friend. What she thought was a small favor quickly turned into a huge imposition, and she wasn't quite sure what she could do about it. Read on for the details and see what you think.

  • 03
    Last month, she messaged me saying she was going through a rough patch (lost her job, boyfriend dumped her) and wanted to visit for "a few days to clear her head." I felt bad and said yes.
    via u/Primary-Shock3647
  • 04
    Well, those "few days" turned into THREE WEEKS. She's been sleeping on my couch, eating my food, using my stuff, and not contributing ANYTHING. I work from home and she's constantly interrupting my workday with her drama. When I suggested maybe it's time to look for a ticket home, she burst into tears saying she has nowhere to go and I'm her "only support system."
    via u/Primary-Shock3647
  • 05
    Yesterday i had an important Zoom meeting and specifically asked her to be quiet for one hour. halfway through, she starts blasting music and FaceTiming someone in the living room. My boss definitely heard and I was mortified.
    via u/Primary-Shock3647
  • 06
    That night, I finally snapped and told her she needed to leave by the end of the week. I even offered to help buy her plane ticket. She called me heartless and said a real friend would support her "no matter what." She's been posting vague stuff on social media about "finding out who your true friends are during hard times."
    via u/Primary-Shock3647
  • 07
    i feel guilty because she IS going through a lot, but I'm also exhausted from the constant emotional labor and lack of boundaries. My apartment is tiny and I never signed up to be someone's indefinite crash pad and therapist. So, AITA for kicking out my friend when she's down on her luck?
    via u/Primary-Shock3647
  • 08
    Coldkin Dark Night Warm Five Bright Stars I STAY POSITIVE
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09

    Commenters weighed in with what they thought she should do.

    . StarsForget 6h ago NTA, this is a common story. Couch surfing friend rides the goodwill wave as long as they can then moves on to the next friend. If they're serious about getting back on their feet they'll be applying for jobs. and housing, helping around
    via u/StarsForget
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    the house, or if nothing else trying to process their feelings so they can move on, using you as a sounding board in lieu of a therapist. If not, they're a I, and you have to give them the boot the minute they inconvenience you. It seems harsh but it's necessary to prevent them from sinking any further. Hopefully in a few years she'll apologize for her embarrassing behavior.
    via u/StarsForget
  • 11
    . NeedForSpeed98 · 6h ago NTA. She might have tough things at the moment but your helping her doesn't allow her to take over your home and your life.
    via u/NeedForSpeed98
  • 12
    She wants to wallow, I get that, but she now needs to help herself. If she's video calling people, you're not her only contact in life. Time for her to step back up into - adulting find a job being the priority!
    via u/NeedForSpeed98
  • 13
    snarkness_monster • 6h ago "a few days to clear her head". That's what you agreed to, NOT three weeks! Your friend sounds like she's using you and has no respect for your boundaries. She's emotionally manipulating you into letting her stay longer. Disrupting your work is the last straw. You need to kick this freeloader to the curb. NTA
    via u/snarkness_monster
  • 14
    Tangerine_Bouquet . 6h ago NTA. Send the overstaying guest on her way, before she establishes residency. If she doesn't have a return ticket, feel free to help her with that. She may want to return to those college roommate days, but you didn't sign up for that. She needs to move forward, not back--and her manipulation are not inclining you toward any future friendship.
    via u/Tangerine_Bouquet
  • 15
    TriggerWarning123... • 5h ago You need to get rid of her before she's been there for 28 days. Many states give people housing rights once they hit a specific number of days, which means you'd need to go through an actual eviction process to get rid of her. Your lease may stipulate
    via u/TriggerWarning12345
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    how long you can have guests, usually 14 days in a one month period, or three months timeframe. This is to protect both the resident and landlord from potentially having to evict any guests.
    via u/TriggerWarning12345
  • 17
    You want to protect yourself. This friend isn't a friend, they are a freeloader that is hoping that they can stay long enough to get the housing protection. I'm sure that she's done SOMETHING to show when she started living there, JUST for this kind of situation. I suspect that you'll
    via u/TriggerWarning12345
  • 18
    suddenly find yourself being. told that she can stay as long as she likes, since she's stayed long enough for the protections. And then it's going to be a massive fight to get her out. For some, it's taken a year or longer, to get rid of homeless people or friends/family.
    via u/TriggerWarning12345
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    Threed1c17 • 6h ago She knew what she was doing when she asked to visit. She had no plans of leaving. So look at it that way. She manipulated you. And couldn't even be respectful to what you have going on in your life.
    via u/Threed1c17
  • 20
    LavenderKitty1 6h ago • NTA. She was interfering with your work and that could have resulted in disciplinary action if it continued.
    via u/LavenderKitty1
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    . miss_Saraswati 5h ago NTA "You know I love you as a friend, which is why I said yes to a few days to clear your head when you asked. But I did not sign on for several weeks, and today you've been here xxxx days. As you know I work from home. We e talked
    via u/miss_Saraswati
  • 22
    about it multiple times that I need the space to focus, and do my job, and I'm no longer able to with you here. Just yesterday you were not able to give me the 1h uninterrupted and I disturbed hour I needed and asked for before it started. I need you out before the end of the week as I cannot afford to
    via u/miss_Saraswati
  • 23
    lose my job because of you. I've already had to apologize to several of my colleagues. and clients because of things you've chosen to do during my different meetings and my ability to deliver is suffering. I still love you, but I have supported you longer than I had the ability to already. I need you out by at the latest, but I hope you sort something sooner as I have with yyy on
    via u/miss_Saraswati
  • 24
    Use the above as you see fit, don't give her an opening of you hope she finds something else, or whatever it might be. She's already taken advantage if you. She's guilt tripping you to try and stay.
    via u/miss_Saraswati
  • 25
    You already now need to consider what you'll do if she's not out by the requested date? Will you change the locks? Something else? With the amount she's already stayed, do you risk having to go through a full eviction process?
    via u/miss_Saraswati
  • 26
    DeviantDe 6h ago . NTA the 1st time she broke a boundary about work would have been a warning, the second time would have resulted in her being locked outside of the home during my work hours. You have been incredibly gracious in allowing her 3 weeks to
    via u/DeviantDe
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    wallow in her misery. Now she needs to do something about her situation. Kicking her out might be the only thing to motivate her unless she finds someone else to mooch off of.
    via u/DeviantDe
  • 28
    EnviousKitty86 • 6h ago NTA. They are taking advantage and emotionally blackmailing you, so she sure is right about finding out who your real friends are, and she is NOT one.
    via u/EnviousKitty86

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